This Might Sound Really Sick But...

Don't you kind of, deep down, wish that BP never figures out how to stop the oil spill in the Gulf Coast? I know there's definitely a part of me that hopes those dickheads never figure it out.

Now before everyone poops their pants I will say it's a small part of me that wants that oil to keep on spilling. The rational and sympathetic part of me knows that if the oil doesn't stop we'll have a Sarah Palin / Jeb Bush Republican ticket beating Barack Obama in 2012 and David Suzuki would die of a heart attack. No one wants either of those things.

So now hear me out about the reasons why this oil spill isn't such a terrible thing.

1. It Could Destroy the Entire State of Florida

I think we can all agree that Florida is the single worst place on the face of the Earth. It's humid, it's boring, the people are fucking idiots, they've given nothing redeemable to the human race and it's fucking home to Disney World. Wouldn't the world be a better place without Florida? I really think so.

The good news is this; if the oil continues to spill it will eventually contaminate the entire shoreline on the Gulf Coast side of Florida. After a year or two it would certainly destroy the Atlantic side of the shore also.

If this happens (fingers crossed) it would surely help kill their tourism industry, which is the lifeblood of their economy. The State would collapse and none of us would ever hear the godforsaken name Florida ever again.

Now, if this happened five years ago; we might have never heard of Tim Tebow! Think of how sweet life would have been then. Oh, what a dream world!

2. We might (probably not) stop using oil as a primary source of energy.

This is an idealistic as I'll ever get, so bear with me here.

If the oil continues to spill forever (at least a year) the common man might actually put enough pressure on the governments of both the United States and Canada to actually put forth comprehensive plans to get both countries off of oil as our major source of energy.

The oil spill might also be a catalyst to change other environmental policies currently in place in North America.

At the very least, perhaps more laws and regulations would be enforced on the oil companies who are constantly breaking laws in place and destroying out environment.

Again, this is just a pipe dream. This will clearly never, ever, happen.

Now these are just two reasons why I think the oil spill never ending would be beneficial. I'm sure there are literally millions of reasons why the spill is terrible, but just think for a second about a world without the State of Florida.

It's pretty sweet, isn't it?