My Secret Love(s)

This might be only me but are there things that you really like but don’t really tell anyone?

You aren’t really ashamed that you like these things but you’d rather not tell the whole world that you do love them. These days some people, it seems, are really concerned with what other people think about their choices in any topic. There is no worse offender than myself. I don’t beg for the approval of others, I’d just rather be known for liking reasonably cool things.

I am this shallow.

Well I want this to change. I want to tell people about some of the things that I like that might not be the coolest, or best, things in the world and it’s going to start right now. It’s time to come clean.

Let’s start in the world of music. I love music. It’s the one thing I love above all other things. I would rather be listening to my iPod than talk to a person. It’s not even close. I would have my headphones glued to my ears for all time if such a thing were possible.

I am also very opinionated about music. I will scold a person, at the very least in my mind, if they have what I deem to be bad taste in music. I’ll tell a Lady Gaga fan that I liked her routine more when it was done in 1983 by Madonna. I’ll tell a Fall Out Boy fan to quit their faux “emo” phase and listen to Morrissey or Rites of Spring instead. Any country fan will be told how much I love country, but none of that CMT crap. I’ll take George Jones and Steve Earle thank you very much! But truth be told, I admire the fact that they can come out and tell me why they like these bands. I never do this.

One of my all time favourite albums is Exile in Guyville by Liz Phair. It’s one of the most personal albums that I’ve ever heard. This is partly why it made it so hard for me to articulate why I love this album. Personal and confessional lyrics are what I look for above all else when I listen to music but the majority of music I listen to comes from a male perspective. However with this album that all changed and I could emphasize with Liz Phair’s problems with her “Johnny” and “Joe.” After all, a person being dicked around is something that happens to males and females alike.

Now having said how much I love personal lyrics I’ll move to the complete opposite. R. Kelly’s Trapped in the Closet, or as I call it “God’s gift to the 21st Century.”
When I was in high school, pre-Trapped, I had a friend who claimed to love R. Kelly. His love was apparently not ironic. He dug the lyrics, he dug the beats, and he dug the cornrows. Needless to say he was on the receiving end of a lot of insults. One day while I was in his car he played for me the twenty minute extended, “operatic,” version of “I Believe I Can Fly.” It was the worst free car ride I had in my entire life.

In 2009 I saw Trapped in the Closet for the first time and it changed my entire perspective of R. Kelly.

A 22 chapter “hip-hopera” where R. Kelly sings every part? A video where every character has a gun pointed in their face at least once? A midget hiding in a cupboard? R. Kelly rhyming “dresser” with “berretta?” Rosie the Nosey Neighbour?

I want all of that!

When I’m asked what my all time favourite move is by people I’ll usually say Ghostbusters or Boogie Nights but the true answer is Trapped in the Closet.

In 1984, a whole 19 years before R. Kelly dropped that bomb on an unsuspecting public, another batshit insane musician made a film (and soundtrack) that now hovers near the top of my favourites list. That man was Prince and that film (and soundtrack) was Purple Rain.

I love everything about Purple Rain but it’s not something that I go around broadcasting to everyone. Sure, none of the “actors” in the movie were good but I can put that movie on any day of the week and watch it. Just the thought of Morris Day & the Time playing “The Walk” makes me smile. Also, a movie where I get to look at Apollonia and Wendy for about two hours will always get my vote.

However, the real reason I love this movie so much is Prince himself. Everything he does in this movie is awesome. The guitar solo at the end of “Let’s Get Crazy” is amazing. His purple motorcycle is badass. The best part, for me though, is the final concert at the end of the film. Prince & the Revolution rip through “Purple Rain,” “I Would Die 4 U,” and “Baby I’m a Star” in succession. During the last song, in mid solo, Prince basically jacks off his guitar which then sprays water all over the crowd. It’s amazing.

Now I could go on and on about other things that I absolutely love that no one else really knows about (like the fact that I love Back to Black by Amy Winehouse) but it would really get tedious. So for now I’ll just stop there.

I’m sure sooner or later I’ll find some more stuff to write about.