Do You Remember When You Realized Dreams Don’t Come True?

When you were growing up I’m sure you were told that you “could be anything you wanted to be when you grew up” by your parents. (If not you grew up with horrible parents.) Wasn’t that a nice little thought? All you had to do was wait until you were older and poof, you’re a doctor!

How old were you when you figured out that your parents were full of shit and that life is a cruel whore that doesn’t care about you or your dreams?

I was nine years old.

When I was five years old my parents moved us into the house on Somerset Ave. At that time the street was perfect for a kid like me; there were tons of other kids to hang out with. Within one year I had made at least ten friends in the neighbourhood and learned how to play baseball.

Baseball consumed our lives. During the summer we’d play around five to ten hours a day. We had our very own makeshift park at the local public school located at the end of the block which we claimed as our own. Even when we hated each other we’d still play ball, there would just be more hit batters.

By age seven I noticed that certain people grow up and are able to play baseball for a living. Not only that but they made way more than both of my parents combined doing what I would do for ten hours a day for free.

So at age seven I made it my dream to become a Major League Baseball player.

When I turned nine years old my love for baseball had reached a fever pitch. I was fairly good for my age, I could throw well, hitting wasn’t a problem and catching was my strong suit.

I then decided to judge myself against others my age. This was when my dreams were shattered for the first time in my life.

Wherever I looked I found people who could hit the ball further, throw harder and run faster than me. If these people were already better than me how would I ever become a MLB player? My god, I wouldn’t.

I was average then and I’m average now. Average intelligence, average looks (on a good day), and have an average (if not sub-par) personality. People who are average do not have their dreams come true.

Dreams only come true to those who are gifted in some way.

The only people who can have their dreams come true are people who have the means to devote time and effort to them (rich people) or those with natural ability that cannot be ignored (geniuses, the good looking, or those who are physically gifted).

Anyway you look at it normal, average people are not now or ever having their dreams come true.

Tim the hardworking roofer isn’t becoming President of the United States, Cheryl the stay at home mom won’t become a guitar legend, and Cameron the average didn’t become a Major League Baseball player.

The sooner we all notice this the better off we'll all be.

A Quick List of Boring Things

• A dream you had
• Your workout routine / Anything gym related
• Relationships / Dating / Marriage
• Other people’s children
• Any shit from your childhood
• Your family (especially the elderly)
• Baby boomers
• The score of the Hockey game
• The stock market
• An illness you have / had (non-terminal)
• Your parent’s divorce
• Any death that wasn’t a murder or suicide
• Any music you’ve heard on the radio
• Any TV show on a major network
• Your pets
• Your children
• Your vacation
• Your job
• Your boss
• Your other friends
• Your diet routine
• Your new outfit
• Your golf score
• The school you went to
• This Guy in the photo
• You

Something About the Universe That I Admire

The best part about the Universe, in my humble opinion, has to be the fact that its size and scope really shows how little any of us actually matter.

Think about it, the planet Earth has over six billion people on it. Already that shows how little each of us matter on a day to day basis.

In reality, if you were to die tomorrow your death would probably affect twenty people at most. Sure, a lot of people would be pretty sad for a week or two but they’d eventually move on. Your death isn’t going to cause anyone’s life to spiral out of control.

OK, let’s play Devil’s Advocate right here.

Say your death caused someone’s life to spiral out of control. Well, since your existence means jack-shit in the grand scheme of the universe how much do you think that the person’s life that was ruined by your death matters? Zero.

The Earth is billions of years old (take that Christians!) and its survived the deaths of way more important people than you. When JFK, Ghandi or Alexander the Great all kicked the bucket the world didn’t spin off its axis and hurl itself into the Sun, it just kept on moving.

This brings us to another point, nothing that any human has ever done, or will ever do, has meant anything in the scheme of the whole universe.

The Earth is only one planet in our solar system. Who says that anything that happens on Earth is any more important that what happens on a daily basis on Venus or Mercury? It isn’t, you’ve just placed more importance on it.

Say we cure Cancer tomorrow, or AIDS for that matter. Sure that matters for a small population of the planet right now and some people in the future, but it doesn’t matter to the millions of people who died of those diseases in the past or their friends and family.

It also wouldn’t matter to the millions of other species of creatures and bacteria living on this planet who are not affected by either of those diseases.

Curing Cancer or AIDS also wouldn’t matter to anyone not living on Earth.

I’m not saying that there are little green men living on Mars. What I’m saying is that the Milky Way Galaxy we live in is just one of many out there in the Universe. Who knows how many planets are actually out there? We don’t even know where the Universe begins and ends, or if it begins or ends at all.

So really, if we’re just one person living on a planet of currently six billions people, with billions of others who have come before us, and we share it with millions of other species, in a solar system of multiple other planets, within a Universe so large we have no way of knowing its beginning or end, how could our individual existence begin to matter?

It doesn’t. Have yourself a great night.

Songs I'm Subjected to While at Work

Like many other suckers out there, my job plays shitty music exclusively in the office. The following is a list of songs that I was subjected to on the 21st of June. Suicide was thought of often.

Seriously, who the fuck likes this music?

“Complicated” - Avril Lavigne
“Sometimes” - Britney Spears
“No Surprise” - Daughtry
“Waving Flag” - K'naan
“Celebration” - Kool & the Gang
“Shake Shake Shake” - KC & the Sunshine Band
That Black Eye'd Peas song with Hebrew in it
“Get into the Groove” - Madonna
“These Dreams” - Heart
“The First Cut is the Deepest” - Sheryl Crow
“Steal My Sunshine” - Len
“Un-break My Heart” - Toni Braxton
“We Belong Together” - Mariah Carey
“Physical Touch” - Phil Collins
“Keep on Loving You” - REO Speedwagon
That fucking Bryan Adams/Mel C. duet. Horrible.
“Thank You” - Dido
“Hold On” - Michael Buble
“Hold Me Now” - Thompson Twins
“The Sign” - Ace of Base
“If You Could Read My Mind” - Stars on 54
“Never Going to be Alone” - Nickelback

What a horrible goddamn day.

This Might Sound Really Sick But...

Don't you kind of, deep down, wish that BP never figures out how to stop the oil spill in the Gulf Coast? I know there's definitely a part of me that hopes those dickheads never figure it out.

Now before everyone poops their pants I will say it's a small part of me that wants that oil to keep on spilling. The rational and sympathetic part of me knows that if the oil doesn't stop we'll have a Sarah Palin / Jeb Bush Republican ticket beating Barack Obama in 2012 and David Suzuki would die of a heart attack. No one wants either of those things.

So now hear me out about the reasons why this oil spill isn't such a terrible thing.

1. It Could Destroy the Entire State of Florida

I think we can all agree that Florida is the single worst place on the face of the Earth. It's humid, it's boring, the people are fucking idiots, they've given nothing redeemable to the human race and it's fucking home to Disney World. Wouldn't the world be a better place without Florida? I really think so.

The good news is this; if the oil continues to spill it will eventually contaminate the entire shoreline on the Gulf Coast side of Florida. After a year or two it would certainly destroy the Atlantic side of the shore also.

If this happens (fingers crossed) it would surely help kill their tourism industry, which is the lifeblood of their economy. The State would collapse and none of us would ever hear the godforsaken name Florida ever again.

Now, if this happened five years ago; we might have never heard of Tim Tebow! Think of how sweet life would have been then. Oh, what a dream world!

2. We might (probably not) stop using oil as a primary source of energy.

This is an idealistic as I'll ever get, so bear with me here.

If the oil continues to spill forever (at least a year) the common man might actually put enough pressure on the governments of both the United States and Canada to actually put forth comprehensive plans to get both countries off of oil as our major source of energy.

The oil spill might also be a catalyst to change other environmental policies currently in place in North America.

At the very least, perhaps more laws and regulations would be enforced on the oil companies who are constantly breaking laws in place and destroying out environment.

Again, this is just a pipe dream. This will clearly never, ever, happen.

Now these are just two reasons why I think the oil spill never ending would be beneficial. I'm sure there are literally millions of reasons why the spill is terrible, but just think for a second about a world without the State of Florida.

It's pretty sweet, isn't it?

Another Odd Thing I Noticed Recently

Maybe it's just me but have you stopped getting excited about new things?

I remember when I was younger that I used to get excited about anything that was new. Movie releases, new albums by artists I liked, highly anticipated video games, Earth shattering tech-y bullshit, it all drove me wild. Every week is like Christmas when you're easily excited about new things.

This year? Nothing excites me. I haven't paid to go to the theatre in half a year, I bought the new album by The National but I'm not sure I've listened to it all yet. I don't even know what's going on with video games anymore. The iPad came out this year but I'd rather have an iPod with more memory than one of those things.

The most excited I was about a new thing in the past year was the release of the latest Douglas Coupland novel.

Really, does anyone get excited about anything anymore? I think we're past that now.

Shit Rich People Say to Me

“What do you think of this bookcase? It's great isn't it? It was only $250.00. Really cheap. You should get one.”
- Older single woman showing me her new, small, bookcase which was designed to make it look like your books were stacked in a pile on the floor. She owned two.

"Have you considered a Master's Degree in Economics?"
- Man in his mid-50's sympathizing with my plight.